Praying for Rain

In a dry and weary land, what if our prayers for rain aren't exactly addressing the real issue?

“If I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or if I command the locust to devour the land, or if I send pestilence among My people, and My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”
2 Chronicles 7:13-14 NASB

Verse 14 is relatively well-known by many Christians (and it seems like we mostly think of healing our land to mean purging the evil from it), but verse 13 doesn't often get quoted along with it. I've been thinking about it more lately since we need rain pretty badly. Specifically, in what ways do I need to humble myself? What meaningless activities can I cut out in order to spend more time talking to God and seeking His face? What wickedness is lurking in my heart that needs to be rooted out?
The Bible is not a book of fables but of real history and truth. These words were originally spoken to the people of ancient Israel, the people chosen to represent the Great I Am to the rest of the world. 

The coming of Jesus the Messiah opened the door for Jew and Gentile alike to come near to God and join His family. If these words in 2 Chronicles revealed such a cause and effect relationship for their heart conditions then, why should we think it would be any different for us who are part of His family today?

With all that said, I'm still praying for rain too!

Looking Beyond the Prickles

Today after moving the heifers into the next pasture I was walking back to the tractor and passed one of these bull thistles in bloom.  We try to mow them off when possible, so it doesn't eventually turn into a thistle Christmas tree farm.  The pretty purple blossoms really caught my eye and the first thought that came to my mind was, "How can something so beautiful come from something so undesirable?"  I walked headlong into that spiritual lesson.
I was reminded just yesterday in a conversation with a brother in Christ to pay more attention to what God might be saying to me in my daily time among the cows and His creation.  It was as if the moment I posed the question regarding these thistle blossoms, God wasted no time in seizing the opportunity to answer.  And this is what I got:
The painful, unpleasant, undesirable (insert your own adjective to add to the list) seasons, circumstances (maybe even people) that occupy space in our lives have a way -- when we surrender to Father God -- of bringing forth something beautiful in time.
I thought about the bull thistle a little more, and remembered that it has a taproot.  Taproots are good at penetrating deep in the soil, breaking up hardpan layers as well as bringing up valuable minerals from areas that are inaccessible to more shallow root systems.  It isn't difficult to see the spiritual parallels here either.  If my heart is hard, maybe God in His wisdom would use a spiritual taproot to break through.  And once the root is in, it does its work of bringing up nourishment from the seemingly dormant depths.  If the hardpan becomes penetrable, then a way begins to be made for other roots to grow deeper too.  This means when a drought comes, the whole canopy of plant life has greater reserves to draw from.  The deeper we go in our relationship with God, the better we can weather the storms and trials we face.
I also did a quick search on bull thistles and learned that parts of them are even edible.  You can read more about that at http://www.eattheweeds.com/thistle-touch-me-not-but-add-butter-2/.  If you've ever encountered a bull thistle, you know that they HURT when you brush against them!  And I know the cows don't care to eat them (who could blame them?).  The secret in the method, of course, is removing the spines.
Isn't that how it is in life too?  We bump into (or are bumped by) something painful, and our instinctive reaction is to get away from it so we don't keep feeling pain and discomfort.  But what if we could see that behind the prickly spines there is nourishment and ultimate growth for our soul?  What if we could see that at maturity, beauty will bloom?
I'm being convicted today.  I don't want to fight against the tools God desires to use to transform my heart to be like His, but I think I have been.  The good news is He is always willing to show us the better way, no matter how many times we mess up.  All we have to do is ask.  And, just maybe, stop and smell the...thistles.

Blow the Trumpet!

Saturday morning after milking I went to take care of the nursing cows and their babies.  Some challenges our family has been facing on the farm were weighing heavily on us that morning, but I recognized the oppressive evil spirit that sought to enslave me (us) to fear and discouragement.  There is great power in our minds to either agree or refute the apparent power of spirits like these.  As I rode my bicycle down the road on the way to the pasture I suddenly realized the battle going on for my mind, and I said "no!"  I'm going to sing and praise Jesus!  So I did, starting to sing of my love and need for Him.  Then I started thinking again about a friend's vision of an unbelievably huge angel standing guard on our farm.  I voiced the words "HUGE ANGEL!" a couple times, and then suddenly I found myself saying over and over again, "Blow the trumpet in Zion!!"  Now, I figured that was in the bible somewhere, but that's not the kind of phrase that I would just conjure up from my own mind randomly, so I was pretty sure the Lord was inviting me to discover and be a part of something.  When I got back to the barn I looked up and found that this phrase, "Blow the trumpet in Zion", occurs twice in the book of Joel 2.  Verses 1 and 15.
Verse 1 says, "Blow a trumpet in Zion,
            And sound an alarm on My holy mountain!
            Let all the inhabitants of the land tremble,
            For the day of the LORD is coming;
            Surely it is near..."
Verse 15 says, "Blow a trumpet in Zion,
            Consecrate a fast, proclaim a solemn assembly..."
The whole chapter is very powerful, so I encourage you to read the verses before, between, and after as well!  When I told Mom and Dad about what had just happened,  Dad told me that as he was coming down the road to milk that morning, Jason and Kathy were leaving for the market, and Kathy told him she'd awakened early that morning and to read Zechariah 9:11-17.  He read it to me.  Again, there is much to unpack in the whole passage, but this was verse 14:
Then the LORD will appear over them,
            "And His arrow will go forth like lightning;
            And the Lord GOD will blow the trumpet,
            And will march in the storm winds of the south."
Since then, I've been reading other verses which speak of blowing the trumpet.  There were different types of occasions which warranted it, such as war, anointing a king, warning of coming judgment, announcing the feasts...the Hebrew word used in Joel 2:1 for "sound an alarm" is ru-ah, spelled resh vav ayin.  Not only is it used to mean sounding the battle cry or sounding the alarm, but also as a shout of joy, triumph, or jubilation!  There is so much joy in the presence of God, but since all our righteousness is as filthy rags, His manifest presence leaves us undone...He's out to kill every false identity within us so that we can return to and live out of our original design!  It's a wonderful and terrible thing to fall into the hand of the Living God, and the stripping away of our fleshly nature may seem a painful process, but it is so worth it.  It's really hard to kill a dead man (or woman).  I believe the more dead we are to the sin nature, the more invincible we can become against the powers of darkness.  Not that he won't try, but if I know who and Whose I am, nothing can touch me without the permission of the Great I AM.  "He will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him..."
This morning I followed a link for a call to prayer in and for our nation by Billy Graham's daughter, Anne Graham Lotz for 7 days starting today.  The first thing I read was this:
Blow the trumpet…sound the alarm…for the day of the Lord is coming. It is close at hand-- Rend your heart and not your garments.  Return to the Lord your God…    ~Joel 2:1, 13
Do I think God is speaking?  You can bet your bottom dollar on that!  Join us in praying this week, and fasting for 7 hours of your choosing next Monday the 7th.  Seven is an important number to God.  The Hebrew number/letter, zayin, means "involvement with God, sustenance, and Sabbath."  Let us involve ourselves in what moves His heart, watch Him sustain us, and find our Sabbath rest in Him.  Amen.
http://www.annegrahamlotz.com/events/urgent-call-to-prayer/

Oysters and Stuff

Last week I was thinking some more about Pearl the cow.  About how she got sick with milk fever and could have died but she didn't.  A few days before Pearl went down with her metabolic imbalance, Serendipity did the same thing.  And though we treated her several times, she couldn't overcome and we lost her.  I looked up the definition of serendipity again the other day, and when I meditated on it I got a strong sense that there was a prophetic message in the outcomes of these two cows' lives.
Serendipity means "the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way."  Hey, if things turn out happy and beneficial for you by chance, good for you.  But life is hard sometimes, isn't it?  Regardless of the faith lenses through which you view the world, and whether or not you believe we are living in the last days preceding the return of Jesus Christ, you can't deny that life is hard (and getting harder) for a lot of people.  Sometimes these difficulties come as a result of our own brokenness and bad choices, and sometimes they seem to be completely beyond our control.  Yet maybe the source is not quite as important as what we do with the difficulties.  We can let them make us bitter or better, right?
Most people have heard how pearls are formed.  The grain of sand (or other foreign particle) somehow gets inside the oyster, irritating the flesh inside the shell.  The oyster reacts to the irritant by covering it with layer upon layer of calcium carbonate, and it becomes a thing of beauty inside the oyster.  The sand is still there.  It doesn't so much define the oyster, and it's not exactly an intrinsic part of the shellfish.  But the oyster that has redeemed the unwanted sand is the one sought after for the beauty it carries within.  Wikipedia writes that the word pearl has become a metaphor for something very rare, fine, admirable, and valuable.  Why do only some oysters end up with pearls inside them?  Are some just really good at keeping out the sand?  Do they spit it back out?  Do they carry on as if nothing is doing damage to their inward parts?  I don't know.  But if we take this very natural realm scenario and compare the spiritual realities represented we might wonder the same thing about ourselves.  Everyone has difficulties and irritations come into their lives.  Why do some people end up with something of value on the inside while others are simply torn apart?
Perhaps a quote by Charles Swindoll explains this to some degree: “We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”
Well, as I thought about Pearl and Serendipity, I sensed God was saying that this idea of our lives unfolding happily by chance must die.  There isn't much of eternal value in that.  What will endure is the pearl.  Does God cause every painful thing that comes into our lives?  I don't believe so at all!  But will He redeem all those painful things into beauty that lasts?  Absolutely.  Reminds me of Jesus' parable in Matthew 7 about the house built on the sand and the house built on the rock.  BOTH houses went through the storm.  One fell and one stood.  Serendipity and Pearl both had milk fever.  One fell and one stood.  So in the scope of our lives, if the storm is 10%, will we fall or stand with our 90%?  We can't afford to rely on a serendipitous outcome.  King Jesus is looking for pearls...
“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking fine pearls, and upon finding one pearl of great value, he went and sold all that he had and bought it." Matthew 13:45-46

Pearls of Wisdom

The first two and a half weeks of April were sort of a blur.  Thirty calves in three weeks, 24 of those coming in two weeks.  Cold snaps, slow grass growth, a couple of calving difficulties, and metabolic disorders were some of the main challenges that kept us addressing urgencies.  Two cows came down with milk fever (hypocalcemia) a few days apart.  Despite treating the first one orally several times she didn't make it.  The day Pearl calved, she seemed to have been in labor all day and I was concerned when she hadn't delivered by evening.  After supper, though, we checked her and found a little heifer not even dried off but already standing up nursing aggressively!  When Pearl went down the next day with milk fever, we gave her some oral calcium, but called the vet so he could give her an IV calcium treatment too (it was evening before he could get away from the clinic).  I didn't want to chance losing another cow if I could help it!  I put her calf, Petunia in the barn to feed her on the bottle since nursing would exacerbate Pearl's condition.  The next morning she seemed to be past the milk fever crisis, but still couldn't get up and continued to flop over on her side, unable to get back upright.  We propped her up with a bale of hay and put a polywire around her so that the other cows wouldn't eat her backrest!  I was encouraged that she would drink water and eat some hay.  After lunch I got away from the shop to check on her again and was overjoyed to see her standing up!!
When a cow has milk fever, milking her can pull too much calcium from her body.  I wanted to let Petunia nurse but knew just a little bit was all that was safe for Pearl.  So that next morning we turned Pearl into the barn with her calf, but she didn't seem to be interested in her baby.  I got her to stand still so the calf could nurse a bit, then separated them again.  I felt like Pearl was a little borderline so we gave her another oral treatment, and she seemed to improve throughout the day, so she nursed the calf again that evening.  The next morning I let the calf have her fill.  Her tummy was full!!  After they had been together a while I went into the barn to check and see how Pearl seemed to be doing before turning them out to the pasture again.  By now she had regained the bond with her calf, and as I stood in front of her, she sort of shook her head at me, as if to indicate she didn't want me messing with her or her calf.  At that point I was pretty sure she was mostly better!
As I thought about it, Pearl taught me something.  She was sick, and we helped her.  We had to give her medicine--which apparently didn't taste all that good--to aid in her recovery.  We had to take her baby away for a time...letting the calf nurse literally could have killed her.  I had to put a boundary around her to keep the troublemakers out, but once she was able to stand, it may have looked to her more like a prison.  After all these things, when the crisis had passed, she seemed to see me more as foe than friend.  And I thought, isn't this how we are with God sometimes?  Sometimes all is not right in our world, and we need Him to fix it because we don't have the strength or ability to make it happen ourselves.  Maybe He knows that in order for our healing, He may have to give us something that doesn't taste very good at the time but its purpose is to address what's wrong inside us.  Maybe He's giving us boundaries, not to imprison us but to protect us from that which will ultimately keep us flat on our backs.  And there may be times when He removes even good things from our grasp because He has our ultimate good in mind.  As Pearl shook her head at me, it reminded me of the times we may have shaken our fists at God.  "How could you allow this, God??"  "How could you have taken this from me, God??"  Is it not a lack of understanding on our part for what He seeks to do in us?  This is not to say that He causes all the trials and difficulties and hurt, because we have an enemy of our souls, too.  But even those He will redeem!  He is in the business of turning us from death to life.  It's Good News!  So remember Pearl, and instead of shaking your head at your Shepherd, consider thanking Him for how He's saving your life.

Crown College

I bought a sweatshirt at Goodwill the other day.  I have been wanting another grey hoodie, but I'm frugal, so I usually shop secondhand.  It often seems like the luck of the draw when you have something specific in mind and you're looking for it in a secondhand clothing store.  So when I ran across this one the other day, the right size, right color, with the words "Crown College" on it, I was a happy girl.  I don't know if other people read messages written on my clothing, but I like to carry a message just in case, and this one had potential.  I didn't know anything about Crown College, but I decided this was a prophetic sweatshirt anyway.
When I got home I did a search and discovered Crown College is in Minnesota (presumably where the sweatshirt was originally sold).  I'm sure it's a fine school, but when I saw this shirt my thoughts were that "Crown College" is very much a spiritual journey.  Think of it as another name for "School of the Holy Spirit."  It's the training grounds for the crown of life awaiting those who are approved after persevering under trial (James 1:12).
The other morning I was helping with a task I do not particularly enjoy.  It was a task of service, and although in general I find joy in serving people, I am not yet spiritually mature enough to enjoy every type of service apparently!  I am getting better I suppose, because at least soon after the fact I realized I could liken this to Jesus washing his disciples' feet (the difference was that he likely felt no chagrin in the midst of his washing and serving).  Growing in humility, developing character, giving sacrificially, loving unconditionally...these are some of the subjects covered in Crown College.
But how can we know whether we'll graduate with honors...or even graduate period?  Well, here is what I'm learning:  It's about relationship.  It's the relationship with us that Jesus and the Father desire so deeply.  Jesus is the Bridegroom, and he wants to marry us!  The Bible shows over and over again that God longs to be not only the King, but the Husband of His people.  Paul says that what God designed the human marriage of a husband and wife to be was a representation (as a shadow and type) of the relationship between Jesus and his Church.  The pure, simple truth is that God loves you and me.  No matter what we have done, who we have hurt or let down, how many times we have messed up.  It's not been enough to make Him give up on you.  He is waiting for every one of His children to return to Him, waiting for us to let Him save us.  How great is the love He has lavished upon us, that we should be called sons and daughters of God?  But is being a child of God the same as being the Bride of Christ?  Is He looking for something special in the ones He calls His Bride?
Revelation 19:7-8 has this to say about the marriage supper of the Lamb:  "'Let us rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready.' It was given to her to clothe herself in fine linen, bright and clean; for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints."
The Bride has made herself ready... If this wording is any indication, I have a role to play in experiencing the fullness of what Jesus is offering me.  Yes, He is my Savior, the one who forgave me, who wiped my slate clean, and remembers my sin no more.  But I also have the opportunity to prepare myself--to clothe myself in righteousness--for my infinitely worthy Bridegroom, who has offered His heart to me!  If we as human beings have high standards for character qualities we look for in a mate, does it not stand to reason that the King of Kings would have pretty high standards Himself?  Yes, His mercy is new every morning...perhaps with the hope that each day the Bride-to-be will grow in the understanding of what makes His heart beat...
When you look at your relationship with God in the context of a marriage, does it not change what you want to do for Him and why?  Who would feel loved if your husband or wife spent time with you out of guilt, or gave you a gift because it's just something they're supposed to do or they thought you'd be angry if they didn't, or if they begrudgingly helped one of your family members in need?  No!  We desire gifts of the heart, do we not?  We desire acts of love for love's sake.  And so, I believe, does God.
But before you start thinking that God's not gonna be pleased with you unless you're perfect (although He does say "Be perfect (complete), even as I am perfect!), consider this... Before God changed Abram's name to Abraham, He made a promise to him.  A promise that looked somewhat impossible at the time, considering his childless state.  Yet Abram "believed the LORD, and He credited it to him as righteousness."  Abraham, the friend of God, perhaps donned his bright and clean fine linen garments of Bridal righteousness simply by believing what the Lord said.  I have to think Abraham graduated with honors!

Exposed and Forgotten

One day this winter after going to bed pretty late I woke up to a fully awake state pretty early, maybe around 5.  That is pretty unusual for me, so I tried to pray for a bit, then thought I would read in the Bible, and felt like Psalms would be a good place to go.  108 was the number that came to mind.  So I read it.  Not a whole lot jumped out at me.  I finished reading and went back to sleep I guess.  A morning or two later, I opened the Bible to read again in the Psalms, hoping a random turn to the page would, through the Holy Spirit, be some kind of spiritual food I needed.  I opened to Psalm 60, and started reading.  A few verses in, it started to seem very familiar.  I was trying to remember why that would be...had I read Psalm 60 recently?  But no, when I thought about it, these familiar words were in another place on the page when I had read them before.  Suddenly it clicked...several of the verses in Psalm 60 were nearly identical to Psalm 108.  And they weren't just any words you might expect, say, declaring God's praises or asking for deliverance.  Read for yourself from Psalm 108:

7 God has spoken in His holiness: "I will exult, I will portion out Shechem And measure out the valley of Succoth.
8 "Gilead is Mine, Manasseh is Mine; Ephraim also is the helmet of My head; Judah is My scepter.
9 "Moab is My washbowl; Over Edom I shall throw My shoe; Over Philistia I will shout aloud."

Needless to say, I was more than a little bit curious about why I had "randomly" read these two passages.  Was God inviting me to search out a mystery?  Maybe.  So I decided to study these three verses in Hebrew (to the best of my ability--I'm still pretty much a novice).  I wouldn't say it felt like there were any hallelujah choruses ringing to accompany whatever revelations I might have had as a result of this, but there were some really good things He showed me.  One of these was in the phrase, "Gilead is Mine, Manasseh is Mine."  Every word in Hebrew can be traced back to a three-letter root word.  So when you look a word up in the lexicon, there may be insights to discover from the definitions of its root.  
The root for Gilead is spelled gimmel lamed ayin.  It means expose, lay bare; disclose, make known.
The root for Manasseh is spelled nun shin hey.  It means forget; forgottenness.

Yes, these are geographical places that existed, and God was declaring His possession of them when you look at the literal meaning.  But He is so deep.  He can say a few words or letters and be telling us so many things at once we could learn something new every time we read it!  I think He may have also been saying, "It's Mine to expose, it's Mine to forget."  I believe God pursues us and woos us with His love, inviting us into relationship with Him so that He can teach us who He created us to be...people who walk and talk in fellowship with the Living God of all creation!  When we invite Him to come into our hearts and change us from the inside out, that is the process of transformation that makes us more and more like Him.  But it seems to usually be a process, at least in my experience!  There are things we hold on to inside that are decidedly not like Him or from Him.  At the root they're all lies from the enemy of our souls.  Wounds from the past that may have warped our hearts somehow.  Maybe resulting in bad habits or dysfunction, or even physical ailments.  Maybe hatred or bitterness or depression or lust, or maybe even cancer.  One thing I am confident of is that God is willing to show us those things that He wants to heal in us and deliver us from.  HE is the One who does that.  He exposes what needs to be brought to light (sometimes gently, sometimes by ripping the band-aid off if 'gently' isn't loud enough), so that you and He can deal with it together.  But you know what else?  After it is dealt with, He FORGETS it!  The wrongs we've done, the times we've messed up, the lies we've believed and wrapped our lives around...it was all taken care of through the life, death, and resurrection of  His son Jesus Christ.  In God's judicial system, it disappears from your record!  So go ahead.  Ask the Lover of your soul what He wants to expose and bring into the light of His mercy and love, so you can both forget about it and move closer to the ultimate joy of becoming one with Him.

May He bless you on the journey.

Ish and Ishshah

Over three months ago I journaled about something and am finally getting around to sharing it on here...it seems it has been a jam-packed summer!  This is another lesson in Hebrew I saw in my quiet time and it doesn't necessarily have any obvious connection to the farm, but I thought it was cool enough to share it anyway :).
So on the 21st day back in May for some reason I decided to study Hosea 2:16, which says,

"And it will come about in that day," declares the Lord, "That you will call Me Husband [Ishi] and will no longer call me Master [Baali]."

God desires a relationship with us so intimate that the best comparison we can understand is the closeness shared between a husband and wife.  He already knows you inside and out and loves you deeply...He's inviting you to know Him even as you are known!

When I looked up the two Hebrew words Ishi and Baali used here in this verse in Hosea, and the individual letter meanings (each Hebrew letter carries meaning itself), He led me on a deeper journey...

Ish ( אּישׁ ) is translated "a man as an individual or male person or husband"
      Aleph ( א ) : God, unity; oneness, mastery, humility
      Yod ( י ) : Heavenly message (messenger), spirituality
      Shin ( ש ) : Wholeness, completion, divine power

Baal ( בַּ֫עַל ) is translated "lord, husband, owner"
      Bet ( ב ) : Shelter, house
      Ayin ( ע ) : Discernment
      Lamed ( ל ) : Reaching up to heaven for divine knowledge, learning, teaching

I thought it was interesting that both words can be translated as 'husband'.  But the English translation doesn't say, "You will no longer call me Husband, but you will call me Husband"!  Rightly so, since there is evidently a comparison being conveyed.  So I turned to Genesis 2:23, the one place I already knew Ish was used elsewhere...

And the man said, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called woman [Ishshah] because she was taken out of man [Ish]."

Ishshah ( אִשָּׁ֔ה ) is translated "woman, wife, or female"
      Aleph ( א ) : God, unity; oneness, mastery, humility
      Shin ( ש ) : Wholeness, completion, divine power
      Hey ( ה ) : Feminine nature of God

I began to see a relationship between these two verses.  Adam named the woman as he did because she was taken out of him.  Her identity was intrinsic to his.  She was fashioned from his rib, from his side.  Baal, while carrying that idea of a covering leader, seems to be more arbitrary and less intimate.  A little more separate in a way.  Perhaps God might have been saying that the relationship He purposes to have with His people will be such that our very identity comes from His.  That's a thought worth meditating on right there!  But the journey didn't stop...

As I compared the composition of the words Ish and Ishshah, I noticed they had two letters in common and one different.  Since the letters can reveal layers of meaning in the Hebrew language, and since letters in common can indicate relationship between words, it seemed like there might be a message to discover.  In the aleph and the shin found in these two words, I saw that both a man and a woman are marked by God, carry God within them, and each carries the capacity for wholeness and completion simply by being in right relationship with our Creator.  These qualities are independent of an existing relationship between a man and a woman, because I believe our ability to be whole and complete truly comes from who we are in God.  Still, Ish and Ishshah have one differing letter between them.  The yod and the hey.  And suddenly revelation came...these are the first two letters of the Most Sacred Name of God, yod hey vav hey, or YHWH.  It's where we get the English translation of Yahweh.  In fact, sometimes God is referred to as Yah.  When Ish and Ishshah come together as one as God intends, they reveal part of who God is!

In Ephesians 5:21-33 Paul explains this in another way.  Marriage is one of those earthly things that was created to give us a glimpse into heavenly realities.  Marriage is intended by God to help us understand Christ's relationship with His bride, the church.  He has loved her and laid down His life so that she might live, and out of love for her Bridegroom she lays down her life for the sake of honoring him and helping the dreams of His heart come true.  Can you see how Ish and Ishshah functioning as two whole individuals in their God-breathed identity could come together and reveal not only to each other but even to all of creation in some small way just who this Yah is?  Whether you are an Ish or an Ishshah or married or not, God is inviting you to an intimate relationship with Him.  He wants to reveal His heart to His beloved.  Let His love for you overflow into your relationships with others, and especially with your spouse if you are married.  Laying down your life for another is one of the ways you can reveal God to the world.

Whirlwinds

I guess I've been in a little season of silence...at least writing-wise.  An experience a couple weeks ago gave me more food for thought, so after the long dry spell last summer and the long winter from which we're finally awakening, it seems, fittingly, that life has come to the blog again!

Our first calf was born on March 20, the first day of spring.  Of course, it didn't feel like spring at all...blustery and cold was a better description of the day!  But the little guy fared just fine.  The next afternoon, slightly less blustery but almost equally as cold, I walked to the pasture to check on the cows and unplug the water tank for the night so the hose didn't freeze.  I stood amongst the cows, just watching them in their contented state.  Suddenly I noticed bits of dried grass stems and leaves whipping up in the air as a little whirlwind kicked up.  It danced along through the pasture, and I marveled as it literally traveled right next to me!  I have never experienced anything quite like that before, and its close proximity (if I had stretched forth my hand, it would have been within the whirlwind) felt rather surreal somehow.  Like the whirlwind had a persona, that it was something more than spinning air, and there was some kind of connection (a "thin place") between heaven and earth.  I kept watching as it passed by and continued along the ground, the dried grass continually whirling along within the gentle and quiet vortex.

There is a verse in the Bible that came to me while I observed and then contemplated what I had seen.  "The way of the Lord is in the whirlwind."  I couldn't remember where it was until I looked it up.  Nahum 1:3.  When I looked up whirlwind in the concordance, several references seemed to be associated with judgment from the Lord with those who rebel against Him.  Another reference really intrigued me...in 2 Kings 2, Elijah was carried up to heaven in a whirlwind!

This winter I had an amazing opportunity to learn the letters of the Hebrew alphabet.  And I learned that every letter has meaning in itself.  So when you look at scriptures in the Hebrew language, there is a literal translation, but from that the Holy Spirit may reveal layer after layer of revelation through the letters themselves!  Well, I wanted to look up the Hebrew word for whirlwind.  What I discovered blew me away a little.  No pun intended.  Well maybe a little intended!

The Hebrew word for whirlwind is spelled samek, ayin, resh (סָ֫עַר...Hebrew reads right to left)  Some key meanings of these letters are as follows:
Samek : God's protection, support; abundance, memory, shelter, joy, mysteries of God
Ayin:  Spiritual insight, discernment; sight, spirituality, inner reflection, consciousness; represents our ability to see Jesus the Light of the world
Resh: Holy Spirit, power of God, repentance; willingness, bend in a path, turning point.

The first thing that amazed me about this word is that most of the times when we think of whirlwinds, they are tornadoes or hurricanes.  Violent, destructive forces.  The whirlwinds mentioned in many places in the Bible are such forces.  Yet none of the letters themselves speak to this.  And in fact, the first letter--the first thing you see about this word--is declaring God's protection.  How can this be??  These fierce storms seemingly leave paths of destruction.  But maybe it's about being in the eye of the storm.  I just now noticed as I'm writing this that ayin, representing sight (eyes), is in the middle of the word...the center of the storm!  And the layers continue!

The other thing that struck me as I wrote out the letters' meanings is that the Trinity is in the whirlwind.  God our Protector, Jesus Light of the World, and the Holy Spirit.

Storms have come and will come again.  Hurricanes and tornadoes and storms of life.  They're somewhat unpredictable.  Almost entirely uncontrollable.  I do have a choice in how I respond to them, though.  I can choose not to be afraid of the storm.  Maybe I even need to lean into the storm.  It's what the eagles do, I'm told, and in so doing they soar to heights perhaps not possible without the storm's power.  When the storm surrounds you, remember just Who is encircling you, and that you are the apple of His eye.

The way of the Lord is in the

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What Are You Laughing At? Or Holding On To?

"And without becoming weak in faith he contemplated his own body, now as good as dead, since he was about a hundred years old, and the deadness of Sarah's womb; yet, with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief, but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully assured that what He had promised, He was able also to perform." (Romans 4:19-21)
v 22..."it was reckoned to him as righteousness."

Somewhere between Abraham's 75th and 86th year, God told him his descendants would be as numerous as the stars in the heavens. He was 86 when Ishmael was born. Sarah had instigated the circumstances leading to Ishmael's birth. Did Abraham think at the time that this would be the fulfillment of God's promise? Maybe. When he was 99, God appeared to Abraham again, explaining the covenant He was making with him and his descendants. And He reiterated that the son to be born from Sarah would be the heir to the promise.
Abraham contemplated his own body and his wife's. Romans 4 affirms Abraham's unwavering faith. He didn't doubt God's promise of blessing and multiplication. But in Genesis 17:18 Abraham said to God, "Oh, that Ishmael might live before Thee!" He had a son already. Rather than give up on what he had possibly figured was the prescription for fulfillment of God's promise, he cried out for God to bless what Abraham had already brought about...by his own effort, at the instruction of his desperate wife.
God assured Abraham He would bless Ishmael, but He had another plan in mind for fulfilling His promise. Isaac. "He laughs." A constant reminder of how unlikely and impossible his parents thought this child's existence was.
Abraham never doubted that God would do what He promised, Paul wrote to the Romans. But it's evident in Genesis that he had preconceived notions about how God might do it. And for a moment at least, he held on to what he thought was best. He wanted Ishmael to be the one, hardly grasping at that moment the significance of what the Lord was about to do.
And so it is with us. There is nothing wrong with sizing up the situation, for if our faith is unwavering, we're just making more room for the Lord to do the extraordinary (Gen 18:14), thereby giving Him glory. Yet even in holding fast to a promise in faith, we may carry an idea of how we think God will bring the fulfillment of the promise to pass. But it's so often not what we think, and we usually have to let go of the answer we have helped to create to make room for the miracle that is about to be birthed.

Fear Must Go

Recently I was reading in the book of Isaiah in the Bible, and feel that God showed me a powerful word that needs to be shared with many.
For a little background information we can read about King Ahaz in 2 Chronicles 28:1-4. Ahaz became king at age 20 and reigned 16 years. He did not do right in the sight of the Lord, pretty much by playing the harlot with other gods. Needless to say, he was none too intent on seeking after God's heart, as was said of King David.
There were consequences to this idolatry, and the nation of Judah was invaded by Aram and even the northern kingdom of Israel.
Now we go back to Isaiah chapter 7. King Rezin of Aram and King Pekah of Israel went up to wage war against Jerusalem. However, verse 1 says they "could not fight against it." Not sure how that looked in real life, but there was still a vast army poised for attack around Jerusalem. When King Ahaz was informed, he and all the people were shaking in their boots. Or sandals, or whatever.
God told Isaiah the prophet to take his son (whose name meant "A remnant shall return") to go meet with Ahaz to give him these words from the Lord:
"Take care and be calm, have no fear and do not be fainthearted because of these two stubs of smoldering firebrands...
...thus says the Lord God, 'It shall not stand, nor shall it come to pass... [yet] if you will not believe, you surely shall not last.'"
I looked up some of the key words in their Hebrew meanings.
Take care: to hedge about; i.e. guard; to protect, attend to, to watch, to keep, preserve, be careful, to watch over.
be calm: to repose, be still, be quiet, be undisturbed, state or condition of tranquility
fear: to fear, to respect, to reverence, to be afraid, to be awesome, to be feared, to make afraid, to frighten
believe/ last (same word in Hebrew): to build up or support, to foster as a parent or nurse, to render (or be) firm or faithful, to trust or believe, to be permanent or quiet, moral to be true or certain, to establish

What God was saying through Isaiah to Ahaz and the people of Judah was that though these two kings were plotting against them, they MUST choose to be unafraid of them. To take care does not seem to indicate going out and fighting against the foe, but to stand guard. Being calm is about having peace and tranquility within because of who God is and what He has said. Having no fear of the invading armies is not elevating them to be worthy of respect or reverence. Not being fainthearted is about exhibiting courage.
God said that Rezin and Pekah would not be successful in what they had in mind. No matter what Ahaz chose to do with this prophecy. But Ahaz's decision would mean everything for his own future and for Judah's. If he did not believe God and choose to put his trust in the Lord, he would not be established.
I was reminded of James's words in the new testament, advising that if anyone asks for wisdom, he must believe and not doubt, or he will be like the surf of the sea driven and tossed about by the wind. And also in 1 Kings 18:41-44 we can read that the Lord told Elijah it was going to rain (after 3 years of drought), and he sent his servant out SEVEN times to look for any sign of even a cloud on the horizon. Even after six reports of no evidence of rain, Elijah KNEW what God had said, and did not consider another possibility!

To those who have ears, let them hear: Get TRUTH (Truth comes from God). Do not consider any other possibility!

Sadly, Ahaz chose to put his faith in the King of Assyria rather than God, which resulted in eventual destruction (although a remnant was preserved). In Isaiah 8:6-8, God spoke to Isaiah concerning this saying,
"Inasmuch as these people have rejected the gently flowing waters of Shiloah...Now therefore behold, the Lord is about to bring on them the strong and abundant waters of the Euphrates, even the king of Assyria and all his glory; And it will rise up over all its channels and go over all its banks. Then it will sweep on into Judah, it will overflow and pass through, it will reach up even to the neck; and the spread of its wings will fill the breadth of your land, O Immanuel."

What I saw in this passage is that God offers His children peace. Security, even in the midst of the storms of life. Gently flowing waters are peaceful. We can accept this offering or reject it. But if we reject it, the waters that come our way will be anything but peaceful. They are strong and abundant...raging floodwaters. If we are tenacious we will be part of the remnant that survives, but it will not happen without a fight.
Fear is epidemic in our world today. But a heart filled with fear of any circumstance will not carry us through the storms to come. If you are not in the midst of a storm right now, choose today where your respect and reverence will be directed. If you are in the storm right now, it's still not too late to make the choice. Ahaz was up to his neck in foes. He hadn't even been living a life that honored God. Yet God's heart was breaking for his broken children even in their rejection of Him, and He was offering them a way out. Maybe it's time to let go of your fear, and accept the peaceful, gently flowing waters of Shiloah.

"Be still (cease striving), and know that I am God." (Ps 46:10)
"To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul; in You I trust, O My God. Do not let me be put to shame, or let my enemies triumph over me. No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame..." (Ps 25:1-3a)

Pasture Laughter

I am thankful to God for the gift of unexpected reasons to laugh. Today I was sitting on the ground, waiting on the water tank to fill up for the cows. My border collie Zeta was with me, and I started teasing her and playing with her, making playful growling sounds and blowing on her, which makes her want to jump at me and slurp me on the face, neck, wherever she can get at. She started making ...me laugh as we were tousling on the ground beside the water tank. Then I looked over at the cows that were all lined up around the tank on the other side of the fence. They just made me laugh more. Cajun, especially. She's this little cow who is very laid-back, almost always waits till the last to come in the milking parlor, just rarely ruffled or excited by much. But the look on her face as she was looking at me and Zeta was too funny. Her eyes were wide as she stared at us, as if to say something like, "WHAT is going on? I have never seen this side of you, and it does not seem natural to me!" I so wish I had taken my camera with me today!

The Simplicity of Humility

Tonight on the way home from the Wabash Valley International House of Prayer some lines from a song on the radio reminded me of a brief conversation I had with my cows this afternoon (it was one-sided as far as I could tell). This week has been kind of a whirlwind because of two different situations where friends were going through some really tough situations relationally. The magnitude of the problems can seem overwhelming, to the point where you almost just don't know where to start to find the solution. I believe with all my heart that no problem is too big for God to set straight, no wounded heart too far gone for Him to mend. But sometimes we stand in the way and delay His healing.

So when I went out to roll up the fencing for the cows the final time this afternoon, I walked through the herd, enjoying their contentment. Aggie and Ashlyn happened to be nearby, curiously sniffing me, and I asked them, "Why do we avoid a life of simplicity? I bet you guys are glad to be cows. You've got it pretty good, really." We humans make life so difficult, don't we?

This week a scripture verse has come to my mind several times, but I hadn't had a chance to look up where it was in the Bible. The words in my heart were the Lord's, "For I have wounded that I may heal." Tonight I was late arriving in the prayer room, so I kind of jumped into the middle of the worship set and the scripture they were singing. Soon the worship leader sang some words that were very close to the words that had been on my heart. The scripture listed on the screen was Hosea 6:3. I looked it up and found I had already highlighted it. Verses 1-3 read as follows:
"Come, let us return to the LORD.
For He has torn us, but He will heal us;
He has wounded us, but He will bandage us.
He will revive us after two days;
He will raise us up on the third day
That we may live before Him.
So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD.
His going forth is as certain as the dawn;
And He will come to us like the rain,
Like the spring rain watering the earth."

These words spoken through the prophet Hosea to Israel and Judah centuries ago are still very spiritually relevant to us today. Yep, the Lord is speaking!

Well, on the way home "All of Creation" by Mercy Me was playing. The chorus says,
"All of creation, sing with me now
lift up your voice and lay your burden down
All of creation, sing with me now
fill up the heaven, let His glory resound"

Lift up your voice and lay your burden down. What's your burden? Lay it down. God is offering to take it for you. He carries my cows' burdens, and they live pretty carefree lives, it appears to me. Most of creation lets Him carry the burden, and creation is pretty good at singing His praises, too. Why can't we? Why do we make life so difficult? Why is loving each other so difficult? Jesus showed us how. "Greater love has no man than he who lays down his life for another." Because Israel and Judah would not humble themselves, because they chased after other gods, because they did not do justly and love mercy, God's hand was forced. Rather than lose them, He tore them and wounded them, that He could heal them. I think this means that He couldn't heal them until they were in the place of humility.

Whatever it is you are facing in your life, keep your heart humble, for if you "humble yourself...He will lift you up." God wants to heal you and make you whole. Spirit, soul, and body. And out of your wholeness, you will be able to love others as He loves you. The Gospel really is simple. Just ask the cows.

A Lesson

I had coffee (well, she had coffee, I had a smoothie) with a friend yesterday and was sharing something the Lord had told me this summer. Her response was something like, "You need to write this down and share its prophetic message." It was already written in my journal. Now I'm sharing it.

This summer I was feeling frustrated with a friend. Angry even. Part of the reason why I felt that way was because this person wanted more for some areas of their life than they currently experienced. I could see the struggles this fellow believer faced, and could also see (not anything specific exactly, just in general) this sort of higher plane God was calling my friend up to. I could see there were things that would need to be surrendered...some idols cast down...in order to realize this onward and upward movement. And it frustrated me as I watched my friend continue in the same choices and struggles and not just accept the gift that was right in front of them.

Then the Lord spoke to my heart. Gently, but bringing great conviction. "Kate, if you think you can see more than your friend can see, how much more do you think I can see than you? How much more for you (and each of my children) do you think I want than you want for your friend? How many times have you been too blind or stubborn to lay something down that stood in the way of you coming up to Me? I do not get frustrated with you. I do not get angry with you. I am not impatient. I wait for you in love, ready for your moment of surrender. Because I do that for you, you also can do that for your friend."

Gulp.

There is nobody better than God at loving people where they are. But He at work within us can make us like Him. Keep going, Lord, you're making progress with me!

Do You Love Me?

I was reading John 21:15-17 the other day in the Bible. This is where Jesus appears to seven of his disciples who had returned to their fishing boat after Jesus' resurrection. The disciples had fished all night to no avail, and towards morning Jesus pulls out a familiar card and tells them to throw their net on the other side of the boat. The result was 153 large fish and an intact net. When John tells Peter it's the Lord, Peter jumps in the water, unable to wait for the boat to get the short distance to shore. Jesus then invites them all to breakfast, which he has started cooking, although he suggests they bring some of their own fish to add to the fire.

After breakfast came reflection time. Whether Peter wanted it or not. Jesus asks Peter three times if he loves him. Peter says yes, and each time Jesus responds with something involving sheep and lambs. In verse 17, we are told that Peter was grieved because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" At first glance, this conversation might seem like a grilling by Jesus to get a point across. Or I have heard also that Jesus asks him this three times because Peter denied him three times. But there might be more to this than I used to think.

The first time I read a version of the Bible that had footnotes on the meaning of these words for love, I learned that the first two times Jesus used agapeo, which means to love unselfishly to the point that you would be willing to sacrifice. The third time he uses phileo, which means to be a friend or to have the same interests with another person.

To us who read it in English, it looks like Jesus asks the same question three times. But in Greek he asks one question twice and a different question the third time. Peter wouldn't have been grieved because Jesus asked him the same question a third time. He was grieved because the third time, Jesus asked him, "Simon, son of John, do you phileo me?" "Are you my friend? Do you like to do the things I do? Do you like me? Does your heart get mine?"

Agape love is no small thing. Selflessness is counter-cultural perhaps now more than ever. It's not the natural response of fallen, broken people. Sacrificial love truly does require a power higher than our own at work within us. And yet, I wonder, is it possible to agapeo out of duty alone? Can we tend lambs and shepherd sheep simply because we feel obligated or guilty if we don't? In my own experience that is a resounding yes. Then again, maybe that's not really agape love either. Maybe it's just a superficial form of it. Not that good things won't come of that, but with God, it's always a matter of our hearts first.

So what about phileo? It seems like that is possibly even more a reflection of my heart's desires. When two hearts connect, joy results. We are relational beings, and experiencing that deeper kind of connection with another is an important component of true friendship. Jesus gave Peter cause to reflect on their connection. On all they had been through together since His ministry became public. On the common purpose they shared. Maybe Jesus wanted to show Peter that even if he couldn't see Him present physically, what they had in common would preserve their bond.

When Jesus came to the disciples this time, he found them fishing in the boat. When Jesus first met and called them, they left the boats, the nets--everything--and followed Him. To be fishers of men. Interestingly, they could be found in boats in various places in the gospels. Jesus got in the boat with them often. To preach. To calm the raging storm. And then he walked toward the boat on the water, calling Peter out of the boat to walk toward Him. But on this post-resurrection morning, Jesus was on the beach. He called them all out of the boat. It wasn't about fish anymore...it was about sheep. For Peter, Jesus said that loving selflessly and sacrificially could be exemplified by tending His lambs (those new, vulnerable ones of His flock still on spiritual milk), and shepherding His sheep (the big-C Church needs shepherds who have the very heart of God). Which leaves the third question...."Do you phileo me? Tend my sheep." Who are the sheep? If the lamb and sheep analogies are parallel, the sheep are the mature ones of the flock. They, like Peter, have walked with the Lord for a while and know His heart. They are His philos. And just as we gain strength and joy from a heart connection with Christ, we will be blessed in the same way by serving, loving, and living in community with His friends.

Earlier in John's gospel, Jesus gave His disciples a new commandment, "that you agapeo one another, even as I have loved you...By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have agape for one another (13:34-35)." Lest all these thoughts on phileos be misconstrued as an excuse to love and be friends only with people we like and with whom we have common interests, Jesus and His agape love sets the standard. He laid His life down. For us. Because He knew that giving it all up was the only way to gain everything that pertains to life. Go and do likewise.

"Even as I have loved you..."

Cows Are a Window To My Soul

I read an Erwin McManus book once in which he made a statement that went something like this: "Absolute power does not corrupt. Absolute power reveals." This was based on the fact that God is all-powerful, but God is also good. Absolute power has not corrupted Him. Therefore, absolute power reveals the inherent goodness or evil of the possessor.
That popped into my head just now because of a series of incidents that happened on the farm last week. I am not proud of it, but it was an important lesson for me. God hasn't given me absolute power. He gave me cows. And it seems that He has a way of using them to expose darkness within me that has yet to be replaced with light.
The story begins in the middle of May, and Tansy the cow had her first baby, a heifer calf. Tansy is a nice-looking cow, pretty good disposition, good milking potential, so her calf will probably make a good milk cow one day, too. The problem was, she was born about 6 weeks after the first calves started coming and when the age span is too big on a seasonal dairy, the young ones can fall behind their herdmates in growth after weaning, as well as being smaller at breeding the following year. So I debated, "Do I sell her now or keep her? Sell her or keep her?" I finally opted to hold on to her.
Fast-forward to June 22. We had separated the calves the day before, after putting the weaning rings in their noses a few days earlier to break the nursing habit. Unfortunately a handful of the calves had figured out how to nurse in spite of their new jewelry, and Tansy's calf Twyla had lost hers twice so I didn't bother putting it back in a second time. The morning after separating, I woke up to hear cows bawling and discovered the calves had managed to get the gate off the hinge and some had been reunited with their mamas. All of those were ones that had still been nursing, including Twyla. The others were across the road, fairly contentedly looking at the remaining bawling mamas! That was a lot of extra work to go through that morning, but we got them separated again and fixed the hinge problem.
The next morning as I was getting the cows in I realized I heard a cow, not just calves, bawling up at the weaning pen. It was Tansy. She had jumped through or over more than one electric fence to get up there. Dad found her and brought her down the lane to the milking parlor. She was milked and sent back out with the others. Before I finished hosing down the lot after milking, she was back in and went through the fence...and another...and another...and another... and was back up the road within minutes.
By this time, I was starting to get a little disgusted with her lack of respect for the fences. I should also mention that I was getting extremely tired from not enough sleep recently and my emotional reserves were just about shot. If you've ever seen Aladdin, where Genie is disguised as a bee while his master is trying to woo Princess Jasmine and she is trying to trip him up, Genie sees what's coming and starts the sirens and beeping, yelling, "WARNING! WARNING! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!"...as he crashes and burns. Yeah, Tansy needed a bee like that. Or maybe I did.
So dad and I joined forces and we got her back in the lane. I tried to keep her moving straight ahead, but before we got all the way down to the other barn, she went through the fence again and I could not keep her from running back up through the field. If blood can boil in a body, mine was then. My rage exploded in the form of shouted threats of violence of a terminal nature to the cow (she was completely oblivious, of course, maybe for the best), followed by angry sobbing.
In the end, we loaded her on the stock trailer and she spent the next 20-some hours in solitary confinement. Rather quietly, too. The next day she bawled a bit, but stayed where she was supposed to.
As I confessed my stupid antics to my friend the other day, she said if she was a farmer she'd just end up letting them all stay together because she wouldn't have the heart to separate them. "All she wanted was to be with her baby." Yep, Tansy was just following her God-given maternal instincts. I gave in to some carnal instincts, which was beneficial in no way except to release steam in the heat of the moment. And really, it's embarrassing to admit and even think about what I sounded like to anyone who happened to be within earshot.
Well, the ironic thing about all this is that I sold Twyla yesterday. A man who has been buying my summer heifer calves was wanting more of them. Twyla wasn't as fat as the other calves and I knew there was a chance she might not keep growing as fast as the rest of them in the group so I thought I'd let her go somewhere that she'd get some special individual treatment and do just fine.
When the fact hit home that I could have avoided the biggest part of the grief of last week if I'd have just sold her soon after birth, I had a moment of regret. But then the thought occurred to me that in all likelihood, God had just used this calf and her mama to reveal another place of darkness in my soul that he wants to heal and transform. And honestly, when situations like this happen on the farm, it's always in concert with other triggers like fatigue and emotional stress. In other words, it goes deeper than disobedient cows. Disobedient cows don't corrupt, they reveal! Well, sometimes they corrupt, but that's another story, and the corruption is with their herdmates, not their shepherd...
Like Paul describes in Romans 7, there are times when I do what I don't want to do and what I want to do, I don't. God knows all this and continues to patiently wait for me to walk all the way out into the River (Ezekiel 47) so He can have His way in me, probably knowing all the while I am my own worst enemy. He is not holding last week against me, and has probably already chosen to forget it, although He still desires to help me work through the root causes for the anger and hurt in the first place.
So there you have it. Proof that I'm still a work in progress.

Mary & Martha Revisited

My mom and I went to visit my brother Jess last week in Maryland. While we were there, we got to talking about the idea of rest. I mentioned how this past year there had been several times the biblical account of Mary and Martha had given me cause for reflection. When Jesus came to visit, Martha busied herself with many tasks, but Mary sat at his feet drinking in his every word and soaking up his presence. I saw why it was so important to have the same heart Mary did in recognizing what was most important, but it was hard to figure out how to achieve that without shirking responsibility.
Our conversation that evening at Jess's cleared up some confusion. How many of us are driven to perform for the sake of something? It could be for something as material as money, or the less tangible deep emotional need for approval. Maybe it's a desire to maintain some sort of control in life, or a feeling that our human efforts are the only thing standing between success and failure.
Whatever the reason, if we labor under the delusion that we must perform to have value, I think we'll miss what Mary found. The fact is, God loves each of us simply because you and I are human beings...not human doings. There is nothing we can do to be accepted, to be loved, to be deemed worthy. We just are. The sooner we give in to this, the more Mary's choice will make sense. Her relationship with Jesus is what defined her. Maybe Martha's tasks weren't the problem. Maybe it was that she busied herself with accomplishing them at the expense of the relationship. It may be a very fine line to walk, but if we can find our identity in who the Lord is and who He says we are, we can work from a state of rest. Psalm 46:10 says, "Cease striving and know that I am God."
As the winter draws to a close and a new production season is about to begin, I know that things are going to be getting busier around here again. I would do well to remember that my efforts may be necessary in being a good steward of what God has loaned us for now, but having a heart that, like Mary's, will sit at Jesus' feet whether I'm working or not could mean the difference between burnout and Sabbath rest.
What about you? Have you learned to work from a place of rest?

Drought

Six months is a long time to go between blog entries, but everyone needs a sabbatical now and then, right? I haven't been writing much at all for a while other than some emails. My last SGF article (one of two this year) was written in May, and I thought I'd never get it done! There are times when the ideas and words flow, and other times they barely trickle or almost dry up. This summer proved to be such a time for me. At least a couple of things played into this I think.

For one, when the workload is high enough that there is little time to play, it's also difficult to be creative. In the busy season I can get bogged down and blinded by the daily grind, and that is a good way to stifle creativity. I am being taught again the importance of rest, of being still. This summer the Lord has pricked my spirit a few times with the lessons from the lives of Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42).

Martha invited Jesus to her home and then busied herself with "much service", while her sister Mary sat at Jesus' feet and just drank in what he had to say. Martha noticed this and tried to get Jesus to spur Mary on to help her, but he would not. He said Mary had chosen what was necessary and good, and he wouldn't take that away from her. How many of us are so much like Martha, going, doing, and serving, while all those seemingly imperative tasks rob us of listening to the Lord's word as we sit at his feet (not to mention what little time we might have left to listen to Him, we're so worn out we'll fall asleep sitting up)? "But who's going to do Martha's job if she sits at his feet, too?" you may ask. I don't know. This is what I've been wrestling with. Who will milk and feed my cows, get grandma's groceries, mow yard, etc., if I'm tuning out the world at Jesus' feet for a while? Martha's tasks seem so necessary to us, don't they? Make no mistake, serving others with the love of Christ is part of our calling as followers of Jesus. But it must flow out of an existing, vibrant relationship with the Source of Living Water. And being too taken with even something as honorable as serving can lead to a dry cup not running over. Thank goodness the Father is ever faithful to restore us when we realize our need for Him. He fills our cup and helps us see our Martha tasks don't need to be so overwhelming.

A second reason the words haven't been flowing as freely is that my noble theories and attempts at better grazing management were a miserable failure in cocklebur prevention this summer. Most of our pastures ended up with an infestation of the resilient undesirable weed again this year, which resulted in decreased grass production. We did get our broken mower repaired in order to try a different approach at combating them and have been clipping them off after the cows have grazed what grass remains. We are still working on the issue of why they're there in the first place. There is a reason for them, whether it's soil fertility issues, past or present grazing management or something else. But it has been a literal thorn in my side knowing the grass was being crowded out, and that any we don't get clipped in time will be sticking to the cows and dog! Once again, sometimes the problems at hand loom pretty big and in this case, it really made me feel like a bit of a failure. The heat and drought this summer coupled with the cockleburs have done a number on pasture quality and subsequently milk production. The bright spot is that the milk cows seemed to handle the heat as well as they ever have other than decreased milk, but the nurse cows' body condition suffered a bit and there were discouraging numbers of udder infections in my heifer calves. So when a lot doesn't seem to be going right here, I hardly feel like I can offer offer much inspiration.

But just as serving can distract us from divine communion, so discouragement can blind us to opportunities of hope. The key is in perspective, right? There is something to be learned from this trial, and there are resources out there from which to learn it. When all I can see is the problem at hand it appears to me an impassable mountain. But if I can step back far enough I realize it's part of the greater landscape. Most of all, I can trust my Provider, who knows all about my needs--and my cows' needs (He does, after all, keep a running count on the number of sparrows!)--to give us every tool necessary to scale the mountain. It's not beyond Him to move mountains. But if He calls us to climb it, the view from the top will be breathtaking.

The Early Bird

Every day while the cows are up at the winter pasture we go check on them, pump water, and give them a fresh strip of grass. About a week, week and a half before we were to bring them home, I found a heifer named Brooke whose udder was developing quickly and ahead of schedule. Sometimes they'll start doing that a few weeks before they calve, but it kept looking more and more like she was getting serious about the process. I was concerned, because I didn't think she was due until mid April, and a calf 5 weeks premature would have little chance of survival.

On March 9 we took care of the cows in the morning, and since Brooke's udder was looking pretty tight (a sign that calving usually isn't far away), I went back up to check on her in the afternoon. As I walked down the hill I could see she was off by herself in the middle of the leftovers from a round bale the cows had just consumed the day before. I figured she was either going to have her calf soon or she already had, but I couldn't see anything from where I was. She would put her head down but I couldn't tell from a distance whether she was eating hay or licking something.

As I got close, I realized she had already had the calf. And I was amazed to see that it was alive! She looked fully developed, but she was the little bittiest thing! Somehow Brooke's breeding date must have been off, because she had to have been at least 3 weeks early based on when I turned the bulls in, but since the calf was alive and developed she surely wouldn't have been 5 weeks early. Still slightly damp and shivering a bit, I rubbed her a bit with some hay while mama looked on and mooed at me. I called Dad and asked him to get some colostrum thawed out and warmed so we could get some milk in her right away. We fed her on the bottle, and she was able to get up and start walking around. She couldn't have weighed much more than 20 lbs, and only came up to my knee (I'm not tall). We left her with her mama for a few hours and then Mom and Dad brought her home that evening so she didn't wander across the fence into the trees and the opportunistic jaws of a coyote. We bottle fed her for the next 4 days until all the cows came home. I was hoping Brooke would remember her baby and take her back. After the cattle drive, I let the baby follow me out into the pasture. All the cows nearby had to come over and smell her, as if to say, "Where did you come from?" or maybe "What is that?" As we rounded the corner Brooke was standing there contentedly chewing her cud, and when she saw what was with me, her head popped up and her ears perked up. I think her actions said, "Hey, that looks familiar...is that what I think it is?" After she smelled the baby, she mooed at it a little bit, and I knew all would be fine.

All this time I've been trying to decide on a name that fits the calf. The babies have the same first letter to their name as the mama so it's easier to keep track of cow families. I kept calling her Little Bit, but I already have a cow named Bitty (who was also very small when she was born) and I call her Little Bitty. I thought Bit might be a little confusing (although not as confusing as the time when we had two Natalies...when I was away in college the rest of the family did more of the naming and didn't know we already had one). So, without further ado, I introduce to you the first calf of 2010... Butternut!

She's already growing fast thanks to Brooke's good mothering. And later this week she'll probably start having lots of little buddies joining her, since there are several cows showing signs that they're getting closer to calving...on schedule!

So we are officially back in the milking business, and looking forward to another adventurous production season!

Driving Miss Daisy

Every winter goes by faster, doesn't it? I can't believe I'll have baby calves running around in about 4 weeks. As usual, spring means things will get really busy around here in a hurry, but a big part of me still always looks forward to the explosion of new life on the farm. After having a slower pace for a couple months, by March we usually begin to get a little excited about production starting up again. And I'm sure I could get an amen or two if I say it will be wonderful to have some warmer temperatures and green grass once more!
Well, before we can start milking again we need to bring the cows home from the winter pasture in the semi-annual "cattle drive". We're planning for Saturday, March 13th at 10:30 am. Everyone will meet at the Swiss Connection to ride the hay wagon (or other vehicles) to where the cows are and walk them home from there. There will be a lunch back at the farm afterward. If you want to get some good cardiovascular exercise with a bunch of great people (and a herd of cows that I'm hoping and praying will be well-behaved!), come join us! All we ask is that you rsvp by e-mailing or calling (info @ www.swissconnectioncheese.com) so we can prepare enough food.
By the way, Daisy the cow will be among those marching home...she's getting to be an old pro, as this is probably about her 7th round trip.